NOW....

It's been quite some time.. Back to work... full of hassle, hmm... attended so many of mirza's appointments; physiotherapy; occupational therapy; speech therapy; monthly clinics appointments; vaccinations appointments..... got warded few times due to aspiration pneumonia and broncho pneumonia... thanks to ALLAH i have a very supportive and understanding husband, family, boss and colleagues....

To my husband Firdaus, you are my soulmate, my lover, my patience, my strength, my absolutely everything... you complete me in every sense... thank you for being there for me when i needed you most....

To mak (Fatimah Bibi), abah (Ajmi Kasah), sisters and brothers, you all have been a helping hand indeed... without your support i would be miserable... thank you so much especially to mak and abah for taking care of mirza while i'm at work... thank you so much... only Allah can repay you both...

To Dr Roziana Ariffin, you have been a very compassionate and thoughtful boss.. i couldn't thank you more for all the help and empathy you've given me.... thanks to Allah for meeting us in this world.....

To all my colleagues, thank you so much for covering me with the escalating workload... i'm sure you are all stressed out, but whatever it is, i'm very grateful to have you all as friends.....

A lot has happened since.. my schedule's full... but the most important thing is that mirza's getting better... although he hasn't fully establish his sucking and swallowing co-ordination, still, he's learning.. the doctors were saying that mirza has microcephaly with cerebral palsy...

Hmmm... another tough scientific facts... the hell with science... doctors aren't god!!! they just told me what they knew with what science could only offer... that's it..

Deep down inside of me i know that my mirza is going to get better... he's healing.... it might take some time but he will be perfectly healthy strong and intelligent just like any other kids... insya Allah.. My Mirza is my special one.... He has always been and will always be....

Please pray for me and my family especially my Mirza... Hopefully Allah will hear my prayers as i know HE is listening to me all the time.... i know.... May Allah bless you all, my family, us all... amin....

Bahagianku...

anakku kini sedang tidur.. melihat tubuh kecil ini, aku selalu tertanya-tanya apakah nasibnya dikemudian hari... dapatkah dia membesar seperti kanak-kanak lain? tak kisahlah walau lambat sedikit tetapi sempurna... akal fikiran, tubuh badan, akal fikiran, mental fizikal, rohani jasmani, spiritual psikologi.. aku hanya mampu berdoa terus-terusan setiap masa untuk kesihatannya, aku dan suami...


11 May 2010 - hari yang paling menguji aku apabila keputusan MRI anakku telah dikeluarkan.. dalam gelisah dan resah aku diuji sekali lagi setelah doktor mengatakan anakku mempunyai masalah pada otaknya akibat dari kekurangan oksigen sewaktu dilahirkan... aduhhh... jiwa ini meronta-ronta minta diselamatkan... aku bagai hilang arah.. hanya tangisan yang menemani aku... jenuh suamiku memujukku supaya beristigfar dan bersabar... namun aku tidak menghiraukannya.. aku terlalu mengikut perasaan.. Ya Allah, besarnya ujian-Mu ini.. ujian yang tak pernah kusangka akan terjadi... selamatkan anakku Ya Allah.. Tolonglah Ya Allah...

My Prince, Fawwaz Mirza.

It's been 93 days, 23 hours and 9 minutes since my first prince was born... and it's been one tough journey with ongoing challanges to have him in our life.. but Thank You Allah for this wonderful gift, this beautiful soul that YOU have put inside of me, the soul that i've been carrying for exactly 32 weeks in my womb.. he's a blessing to us..

we were only one month old couple when i first got to know that i'm pregnant.. It was all a mixed up feeling at first.. Am i ready? keep asking those questions.. but whether i like it or not i have to accept it...the sooner the better, cause it's going nowhere.. gonna stick in my womb for 9 months and 10 days, so i thought.. but it turn out to be earlier than i thought..

Those 32 weeks were the most challenging days of my life.. i kept vomitting, nauseated, couldn't drink milk (which i drank everyday), love McD's and Pizzas so much (didn't have the appetite for anything else but these..usually i don't), fatigue, tired, slept all thru day long.. well yeah, basicly resting in a not very good condition... not to say that i'm suffering, different ladies have different ways of experiencing their pregnancy.. had a friend who didn't know she was pregnant till she's already 4 months!!! She''s lucky alright.. For me it was a tough one.. people were saying that the condition may take up to 3 or 4 months at first.. but not for me... it lasted till i gave birth... Hopefully Allah has forgiven all my sins...insya Allah..